Esther Wojcicki’s positive parenting method
Positive Parenting Tips, Made Simple with the T.R.I.C.K. Method
Positive tips and practical framework built on Trust, Respect, Independence, Collaboration, and Kindness: five principles that help children grow up confident, capable, and kind, with less yelling and more cooperation at home.
Created by Esther Wojcicki, author of How to Raise Successful People, with more than 36 years in the classroom. Learn the best positive parenting tips. Works from toddlers through teens.
- Trust
- Respect
- Independence
- Collaboration
- Kindness
What is the T.R.I.C.K. parenting method?
The T.R.I.C.K. method is a positive parenting framework created by educator and author Esther Wojcicki. T.R.I.C.K. stands for Trust, Respect, Independence, Collaboration, and Kindness. Instead of managing children through fear, control, or constant correction, parents build a relationship the child can rely on, hand over age-appropriate responsibility, solve problems as a team, and model the behavior they want to see.
- Best for
- Parents who want calmer discipline, more cooperation, and a child who can think for herself.
- Core idea
- Children rise to the level of trust and responsibility they are given.
- Sounds like
- “I trust you to handle this. Come find me if you get stuck.”
- Start today
- Give one small responsibility, listen before you correct, and solve one problem together.
Parenting Tips 101: Why parents use T.R.I.C.K.
It turns positive parenting into small daily habits, and it lines up with what child-development research has found for decades.
Less yelling, more connection
When your child feels heard, limits land better. Respectful communication lowers the temperature so discipline can be calm and still firm.
More independence
Confidence comes from doing. A child who practices real responsibilities, from packing her backpack to settling a friend problem, learns that she can handle things.
Stronger family teamwork
Collaboration turns “you versus me” into “us versus the problem.” Kids follow plans they helped make.
T.R.I.C.K. is a practical version of what researchers call authoritative parenting: high warmth paired with clear expectations. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends this kind of positive discipline over spanking, yelling, or shaming, and the CDC’s positive parenting guidance follows the same pattern of warmth, structure, and age-appropriate independence.
The T.R.I.C.K. method, one letter at a time
Each pillar gives you a practical way to raise a responsible, resilient, and compassionate child. Open any letter for the full guide.
Trust
Build the foundation of your relationship.
Trust your child with age-appropriate choices and responsibilities. Let mistakes become learning moments instead of proof that she cannot handle freedom.
Sounds like: “I trust you to figure this out.”
Try today: Give your child one decision she can safely own.
Learn about TrustRespect
Treat your child as a real person.
Listen to her feelings, opinions, and point of view. Respect does not mean dropping limits; it means holding limits without shaming or dismissing her.
Sounds like: “So it felt unfair. Tell me more.”
Try today: Repeat back what your child said before you respond.
Learn about RespectIndependence
Raise a capable, self-directed kid.
Let your child solve problems, manage responsibilities, and own her choices. Independence grows through practice, not perfection.
Sounds like: “What do you think your next step should be?”
Try today: Wait ten seconds before you step in to help.
Learn about IndependenceCollaboration
Work together as a family team.
Include your child in decisions, routines, problem-solving, and goals. Children cooperate far more with plans they helped create.
Sounds like: “How can we solve this together?”
Try today: Ask your child to help write one family rule or routine.
Learn about CollaborationKindness
Lead with empathy and compassion.
Model kindness in your words, tone, apologies, and everyday choices. Children learn how to treat others by watching how adults treat them.
Sounds like: “I was wrong to snap at you. I’m sorry.”
Try today: Name one kind thing your child did today.
Learn about KindnessFive positive parenting tips to try in the next five minutes
You do not need to change everything at once. Pick one habit below. The steps follow the letters of the method, in order.
- Trust: give one safe choice. Let your child pick between two options you can live with, then let her choice stand.
- Respect: pause before you correct. Ask yourself, “Can I hold this boundary and still speak with respect?” Then say back what you heard her say.
- Independence: let her try first. Count to ten before you step in with the zipper, the spelling word, or the sibling squabble.
- Collaboration: solve it together. Ask, “How can we fix this?” and use at least one part of her idea.
- Kindness: end with warmth. Remind your child she is loved, even when the behavior needed correcting.
What T.R.I.C.K. looks like at every age
The five principles stay the same from the first year through high school. What changes is how much responsibility, independence, and collaboration your child can handle.
Babies and toddlers
Trust starts with showing up: respond to her cries, narrate what you are doing, and keep routines predictable. Around 18 months, offer two choices and let her carry her own cup.
Tips for ages 0 to 2Preschoolers
Name big feelings before you correct behavior, widen her choices, and praise effort over outcome. Independence looks like dressing herself, slowly.
Tips for ages 3 to 5School-age kids
Hand over real jobs: packing her backpack, setting the table, planning a playdate. Hold short family meetings where she helps set one rule.
Tips for ages 6 to 12Teenagers
Shift from directing to coaching. Let her own her schedule and her friendships, negotiate rules together, and listen more than you lecture.
Tips for ages 13 to 18Explore positive parenting tips and guides
Learn the T.R.I.C.K. method by topic, principle, and parenting challenge.
About Esther Wojcicki
Esther Wojcicki is an educator, journalist, and the author of How to Raise Successful People. She taught journalism at Palo Alto High School for more than 36 years, building one of the largest scholastic media programs in the country, and raised three daughters who went on to lead YouTube, co-found 23andMe, and teach pediatrics at UCSF.
Known as the “Godmother of Silicon Valley,” she distilled decades of classroom and family experience into five principles any parent can practice at home. Her aim is not to control children but to prepare them to run their own lives.
The goal of positive parenting is not to control children. It is to prepare them to become responsible, kind, independent people.
Parenting Children’s summary of the T.R.I.C.K. philosophyRead seven lessons from her latest interview or watch the documentary.
Who’s behind Parenting Children
The Parenting TRICK® App
The Parenting TRICK® App brings the T.R.I.C.K. method to daily parenting with on-demand lessons, parenting scripts, custom learning paths, and Ask Esther™ support.
- Ask Esther™: parenting support when you need it
- Daily tips: simple actions to try today
- Learning paths: guidance tailored to your parenting goals
- Practical scripts: what to say in common parenting moments
On the web, you can also chat with Woj right here on the site. Proceeds from the app support Global Education Initiatives.
T.R.I.C.K. method and positive parenting FAQ
What does T.R.I.C.K. stand for in parenting?
T.R.I.C.K. stands for Trust, Respect, Independence, Collaboration, and Kindness. These are the five core principles of Esther Wojcicki’s positive parenting method, and each one has its own guide on this site.
Who created the T.R.I.C.K. method?
Esther Wojcicki, an educator, journalist, and the author of How to Raise Successful People, created the T.R.I.C.K. method. It grew out of more than 36 years of teaching at Palo Alto High School and raising her own three daughters.
What is positive parenting?
Positive parenting combines warmth and connection with clear expectations. Parents teach rather than punish, focus on the behavior they want to see, and treat mistakes as chances to learn. T.R.I.C.K. is a practical way to put positive parenting into daily use.
Is T.R.I.C.K. the same as gentle parenting?
They overlap. Both value respect, empathy, and connection. The difference is that T.R.I.C.K. is organized around five specific principles and puts extra weight on independence, collaboration, and responsibility, so children get real practice handling things on their own.
How is positive parenting different from permissive parenting?
Positive parenting is not letting children do whatever they want. It pairs warmth with clear boundaries. Parents stay kind and respectful while still teaching responsibility, limits, and consequences. Read more about the permissive parenting style.
Does positive parenting mean no consequences?
No. Positive parenting uses natural and logical consequences instead of punishment. If your child leaves her bike out in the rain, the bike gets wet and she dries it off. The consequence connects to the choice, is explained calmly, and is followed by a chance to try again.
What are some examples of positive parenting?
Offering two acceptable choices instead of a command, repeating back what your child said before you respond, letting her pack her own backpack even if she forgets something, holding a short family meeting to set one rule together, and apologizing when you lose your temper.
How do I use T.R.I.C.K. when my child will not listen?
Start with respect and collaboration. Get calm, name the boundary, offer a simple choice, and invite her to help solve the problem. For example: “The tablet has to turn off now. Do you want to put it on the charger, or should I?”
What age does the T.R.I.C.K. method work for?
T.R.I.C.K. works with toddlers, school-age children, tweens, and teenagers. The principles stay the same; the amount of responsibility, independence, and collaboration grows with your child.
Is the Parenting TRICK® App free?
The Parenting TRICK® App is available on the Apple App Store and Google Play. Check the app stores for current pricing, features, and subscription details.
Parenting Children helps parents use the T.R.I.C.K. method to raise confident, capable, independent, and kind kids, one small parenting habit at a time.