The TRICK Method • Ages 1 to 3
The TRICK Method for Toddlers
How to use Trust, Respect, Independence, Collaboration, and Kindness with your 1 to 3 year old, one small moment at a time.
Quick Answer
To use the TRICK Method with a toddler, give her small, safe choices (Trust), name her feelings before you correct her (Respect), let her try things herself even when it is slower (Independence), turn routines into teamwork (Collaboration), and stay warm and calm during meltdowns (Kindness). The five principles from educator Esther Wojcicki stay the same at every age. With toddlers, they simply show up in very small moments: picking a cup, pulling on socks, putting toys away together.
Why the TRICK Method Works for Toddlers
Between roughly 18 months and 3 years, children enter the stage psychologist Erik Erikson called autonomy. Your toddler suddenly wants to do it herself, say no, and make her own choices. That push for independence is healthy, and it is also why so many toddler days turn into power struggles.
The TRICK Method, created by Esther Wojcicki and described in her book How to Raise Successful People, fits this stage well because it works with a toddler’s drive for control instead of against it. The CDC’s guidance for toddlers points the same way: encourage her to try things on her own, give simple choices, and describe her feelings in words.
Trust: Offer Small, Safe Choices
For a toddler, trust means believing she can handle a little bit of decision-making. Keep choices to two options you are happy with either way.
- At snack time: “Apple slices or banana?”
- Getting dressed: “The red shirt or the dinosaur shirt?”
- At bedtime: “Which two books tonight?”
Sounds like: “You pick. I know you can decide.”
Respect: Name Her Feelings First
Toddlers feel big emotions before they have the words for them. Respect means treating those feelings as real, even when the reason seems small to you, like a broken cracker or the wrong color cup.
- Name it: “You’re so frustrated. The tower fell down.”
- Then hold the limit: “You can be mad. I won’t let you throw blocks.”
- Get down to her level: kneel so you are eye to eye when you talk.
Sounds like: “You really wanted to stay at the park. That’s hard.”
Independence: Let Her Try First
Independence grows through practice, and practice with a toddler is slow and messy. Build extra time into routines so she can try before you step in.
- Let her carry her own cup to the table.
- Let her try pulling on socks and shoes, even if they end up on the wrong feet.
- Keep a low step stool at the sink so she can wash her own hands.
- Count to ten in your head before you help with a puzzle or a zipper.
Sounds like: “You try first. I’m right here if you need me.”
Collaboration: Turn Routines into Teamwork
Toddlers love to help, even when their help slows you down. Collaboration means doing tasks with her rather than to her or for her.
- Clean up together: “You put the cars in the bin, I’ll put away the blocks.”
- Cook together: let her wash vegetables or stir the batter.
- Make it a game: “Can we get the toys away before the song ends?”
Sounds like: “Let’s do it together. We’re a team.”
Kindness: Stay Warm During Meltdowns
A toddler in the middle of a tantrum cannot take in reasoning. Kindness means staying calm and close, keeping her safe, and saving the lesson for later.
- Keep your words short: “I’m right here. You’re safe.”
- Wait for the storm to pass before you talk about what happened.
- Model kindness in your own words and tone, since she learns by watching you.
- If you lose your temper, repair it: “I yelled. I’m sorry. I’m going to try again.”
Sounds like: “That was a big feeling. Let’s have a hug when you’re ready.”
The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends against spanking and harsh verbal discipline, and encourages calm, positive strategies instead.
A TRICK Day with a Toddler
Morning
She picks between two outfits (Trust) and pulls on her own socks (Independence), even if it takes a few tries.
Midday
A meltdown over leaving the playground. You name the feeling and stay close until she calms (Respect and Kindness).
Afternoon
She helps wash vegetables for dinner and carries napkins to the table (Collaboration).
Bedtime
The same routine every night, with her choosing two books (Trust) and a calm goodnight (Kindness).
For more help with evenings, see our guide on how to put a baby to bed.
Common Mistakes to Avoid
- Too many choices. “What do you want for lunch?” is overwhelming at two. Offer two options.
- Choices you can’t accept. Only offer options you will honor, then let her choice stand.
- Rescuing too fast. A little frustration while she works on a puzzle is how she learns. Wait before stepping in.
- Reasoning during a tantrum. Save the talk for after she is calm.
- Expecting consistency from her before you are consistent. Predictable routines do most of the work at this age.
Frequently Asked Questions
Can you use the TRICK Method with a toddler?
Yes. The five principles stay the same at every age. With toddlers, they show up as small daily habits: offering two choices, naming feelings, letting her try tasks herself, doing routines together, and staying calm during meltdowns.
What age can you start the TRICK Method?
You can start in infancy by responding consistently to your baby, which builds trust. Offering simple choices and naming feelings work well from around 18 months, when toddlers begin pushing for independence.
How do you give a toddler independence safely?
Choose tasks that are safe and within her reach, like carrying a plastic cup, choosing between two outfits, or washing her hands at a step stool. Stay nearby, let her try first, and step in only when she truly needs help.
What does TRICK stand for?
TRICK stands for Trust, Respect, Independence, Collaboration, and Kindness, the five principles of Esther Wojcicki’s parenting framework from her book How to Raise Successful People.